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I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2007/09/21/nsfw/
Friend: . . . and now I’m bitter.
*** Friend sighs
dannyman: Well, you know what to do when you’re bitter.
dannyman: LEMON PARTY!!
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2007/08/08/nonbinding-resolve/
Bush escalates the war while Democrats hem and haw. I don’t get it: with a majority in both houses, is a “nonbinding resolution” really the best they can do? It sounds like something a timid married couple dreamt up to invigorate their humdrum sex life.
Sy Safransky’s Notebook
The Sun
July, 2007
I chuckled on the BART this morning.
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2007/01/08/crotchless-french-knickers/
I guess I have been buying a lot of random stuff on Amazon.com, all the same:
Captions, anyone?
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/06/29/true-wife-confessions/
Oh man, I just swallowed my gum:
I resent paying for Head and Shoulders shampoo so much that I have been buying generic shampoo and putting it into the same Head and Shoulders bottle for over two years. Honey, you’re bald and you don’t need shampoo anymore. You especially don’t need one that controls dandruff. You have more hair on your ass than you do on your head and you use soap on your ass.
Enough already!
I read this out loud to a coworker, and she said that yes, it took her boyfriend some getting used to the fact that she freely expresses her opinions, like “that is the ugliest shirt I have ever seen.”
One of the key desires I have for the woman I hope to pair with is that she be sassy. (more…)
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2005/12/01/penis-cake/
The Red States have their NASCAR, their “Professional Wrestling.”
The Blue States, thanks to Al Gore, have the Internet, and the Internet contains the story of:
YES!!
(Well, it is good if you’ve been working hard after the holiday weekend and are about to get some sleep.)
Thanks, benley.
-danny
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2005/10/13/workin-hard/
Hardly workin.
Well, this guy . . . different story: (more…)
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2005/06/13/dear-jesus/
A while back, I signed a petition for the American Family Association to oppose Ford’s support of gay people. I didn’t do this because I agree with them, but as a subversive act to put obviously bogus names on their petition. The idea being that if anyone ever reviewed their anti-gay petition, they would see that “Jesus McChrist” was definitely opposed to Ford’s gay ways.
Every time I see this e-mail, I get a little chuckle: (more…)
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2005/04/18/sticky-riddle/
What is long and brown and sticky?
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2005/04/14/blacksmith-poet/
There was this poet, who decided to retire from poetry.
He went and enrolled in blacksmithing school.
He learned all about smithing, and pounding, and metals and all that, and became a master blacksmith.
He was later interviewed by The New Yorker magazine, and was asked,
“Why did you leave poetry to become a blacksmith?”
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2005/02/16/pizza-in-redmond/
Hehe, this is good, it appears that Microsoft has physical banner ads around Redmond bragging of MSN search. It says “pizza in redmond” … suggesting, of course, that if you go to msn.com, and type “pizza in redmond” you should be able to find pizza.
MSN’s competitors get it right, but MSN search ends up with . . . janitorial supplies!
The repeated search attempt made by seattlepi.com kind of remind me of some of the early early experiences with Tellme. I wrote a Caltrain schedule app way back in the day before the advent of VXML. “Mountain View,” I’d say, with my midwestern accent. “Millbrae?” “Moun-TEN View …” I would shout back. “San Francisco Fourth and King.” “No, you f_cker, I said Mountain View!!”
But, at least Tellme didn’t go advertizing their speech recognition features without first making sure they worked.
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2005/02/15/dialogue/
“Can I ask a silly question?”
“Yes, I think you just have.”
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2005/01/17/how-exchanges-powerloader/
Last week I was working in Washington, DC. Before I left, I had to write up instructions for other staff to exchange a tape robot, called a “Powerloader.” The instructions were pretty straightforward and I was fully confident that the staff could do the work without any trouble. So, in case they wanted a challenge, I produced another set of instructions by running the document through Babelfish to translate from English to Chinese, and then back to English. Every time I read these instructions I giggle, so I share with others who may have a similarly perverse sense of humor: (more…)
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2004/11/01/alien-registration-number/
Question: What is my Alien Registration number?
Answer: “It is an eight digit number, preceded by an ‘A,’ that is assigned to you by the Department of Homeland Security. It is used as your file or case number by the Court.”
Answer: Musaab notes that you will be assigned an Alien Registration Number by USCIS as needed when you apply for certain benefits. If you have not received an Alien Registration Number, just put “NONE”.
Note: I am not an immigration lawyer and the above information should be taken with a grain of salt. If you absolutely must get this right consult a real immigration lawyer. I’m just a random schmuck with a blog that has pretty good PageRank.
Original post:
<dman> Anyone know what is an Alien Registration Number?
<TanAdept> Just put down 2515049.
<dman> Q. What is an Alien Registration Number?
<dman> A. It is an eight digit number, preceded by an “A,” that is assigned to
you by the Department of Homeland Security. It is used as your file or
case number by the Court.
<TanAdept> A2515049, then
<Nicko> your missing a digit
<TanAdept> Shush.
<Adam> Hey, just shush the DHS guys when they come to your house.
<Adam> To take away your unregistered alien.
<Adam> Or misregistered.
* Nicko first interpreted that as “the DHL guys”
<Adam> Them, too.
<Nicko> they’ll just ship your misregistered aliens
Link: http://dannyman.toldme.com/2004/10/29/management-body-meeting/
Forwarded to me from a colleague: (more…)
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