Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/07/05/non-cooperation/
I threw out the divorce papers.
My position has all along been that there was no difficulty in our marriage that was not surmountable, and that if we worked together, we could have a great life together. The only thing missing from the equation was my wife’s will.
I accept that I have no wife. But I can not agree that her actions, her decision is right. She needs to take responsibility for seeing this through. I have heard the horror stories of men screwed over in divorce by vindictive wives, and I appreciate that it is in my own best interest to drive the divorce process. But even more than this, I will not be party to something that I disagree with. I feel this is the right action: the divorce is her cross to bear and hers alone.
Possibly . . . well, anything is possible. I won’t hold my breath expecting a miracle, but I am comforted by the fact that for immigration purposes, she must have begun the divorce proceedings before our second anniversary in October. The divorce process takes six months beyond that. Six months, add up to four . . . a small price to pay for the years together, for the compact that I made for her to be the most important person in my life, to be loved, for better or for worse.
And until the end . . . I will maintain my emotional independence. I will also engage her with all the positivity I have to muster. For me, it is an exercise, an “experiment in truth” to see what my positivity, love, compassion, and understanding can do to a person who is willing to destroy my heart out of their own short-term selfish desire. I will continue to believe, rightly or wrongly, that the woman I married is in fact a good person. What follows from that is anyone’s guess.
Feedback Welcome
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/07/06/pen-in-the-tube/
So, we had this “swamp cooler” that had been used to augment cooling in the machine room for a time. It has been sitting unused since before I started working here a few years ago. It takes up some space, but I could never remove it because it was attached to a hose in the wall, to drain the water.
Well, this morning my colleague complained that the water was starting to smell, so I took it upon myself as the Senior Systems Administrator to solve the problem, once and for all!
We found that the tube actually ran to the sink in the kitchen next to the machine room. I pondered many ways to remove the tube without spilling water in our machine room. Tourniquet? Well, the zip-ties couldn’t compress the hose enough. In the end, I unfastened the hose from under the sink and plugged it with a pen.
From there, it was a straightforward task to pull the tube back through the wall and remove the swamp cooler, freeing us up several cubic feet of valuable machine room!
I was digging around under the sink when a coworker asked “so you’re a plumber now, huh?” I confessed that us systems guys like to think we can do hardware, but really we’re just kind of dangerous, and the right solution would have been to call the facilities people.
I started a set on Flickr to catalog such feats.
1 Comment
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/07/07/revenge/
From the Talmud, via http://www.quotationspage.com/subjects/revenge/:
“Live well. It is the greatest revenge.”
I am totally getting my revenge. :)
1 Comment
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/07/08/first-harvest/
The tomatoes are still green and I need a trellis for the beans . . . though, I am moving in a few weeks anyway. But, I picked the first beans from my garden. I look forward to the meal that will feature these!
5 Comments
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/07/08/ride-now/
It is hot and I decided I needed some exercise. I needed to sweat! So, for the first time in a long time I hopped on my bike, and began to pedal . . . down the street, down another street, across another street, down a street, taking a fork in the road . . .
It occurred to me that I could get lost, but I decided that was okay, because I know that with enough time, patience, and faith, I can always find my way back. So, I kept going, knowing that wherever I am, I am always Here. So . . . I kept going, looping slowly onto more familiar territory, and back home.
Now, time to head down to the peninsula for a party. I feel really good lately, and I attribute it to the fact that on Tuesday, I followed my idea of “direct action” down to the book store, and found what I believe to be sufficient knowledge of How People Work, and How Relationships Work, specifically romantic love and extra-marital affairs, to finally understand some of the details that have bugged me the most. Now that I understand, my mind has very little need to obsessively ask itself what happened, any more. Tranquility.
This morning I attended my first “Men’s Breakfast” at MDUUC. I had no idea what to expect, but . . . man, it was a wonderfully powerful sharing among a lot of older, mostly wiser men, about their lives. That was really good stuff.
One thing that caught in my head is an observation that . . . in Western culture, we tend to perceive the Mind as the Self. But in some of the traditions that stress meditation, the Mind joins the Body, as a conjoined set of tools, through which the Self then experiences the world. With that understanding, you can allow yourself to experience a given moment more fully, and with a little discipline, you learn to allow the Self to step outside the Mind, and examine and shape your behavior in the context of what you hope to achieve.
Right now, I’m going to get Mind and Body packed up in the Car, and enjoy my afternoon down in Cupertino.
Feedback Welcome
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/07/13/moving-along-2/
So, let us see. In the past few days:
- Met up with Yayoi for the first time in months. Gave her my last present and a cooler full of months-old frozen foods.
- Took a day off work, because I needed a “me day” . . .
- . . . bought shoes . . .
- . . . and mailed some last stuff to the Mother-in-Law in Japan.
- Had a job interview in San Francisco, for a company that caught my fancy . . .
- . . . which culminated in a job offer.
- Yayoi came by and we signed the divorce papers.
- Gave notice at work.
- Went drinking with DESL and friends to celebrate his birthday . . .
- . . . informed that I will be attending Burning Man . . .
- . . . we will drive there in my station wagon!
- Goodbye lunch at work.
- Give Firefox 2.0 Beta 1 a whirl.
- Major software release at work. (As I write this!)
Still todo:
- Next week, working in Washington, DC. Setting up the network that has been my professional objective these past few months.
- Find a place to live, probably in San Francisco, near BART/Muni metro. Looking for cat-friendly one-bedroom in greater Mission or Inner Sunset, maybe under $1,500?
- Move!
- Possibly some storage / staying with a friend between places.
- Get caught up on new job, then finally take a little vacation: Mom in Chicago, Dad in Pueblo, and Burning Man.
So, life is moving along nicely, yes! No rest for the weary, though. Not just yet!
3 Comments
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/07/20/sundays-note/
As jotted on the Sidekick:
I know that I have not yet cried the last of my tears over the life that I have lost this year. That said, I think things are going as well as, or perhaps even better than anyone would reasonably expect. I have learned a great deal about the strength of my love and my ability to perservere through hard-love times. I have been reminded of the value of being a friend, a family member, a coworker, a parishioner, or just plain nice guy on the street for folks going through a bad patch.
I have learned to be less shy about reaching out, asking for an ear, asking for a hand, or just asking to be included.
I have a stronger bond with my Mother, Grandmother, Sister, Uncle John, Uncle Bill, Dad and Gwen.
There was the time I came home and couldn’t deal with the empty house and I called Mom and she could hear my shaky voice and she let me cry, yet again, and she knew the pain that I was in. I tear up just recounting this story, but it means the world to me.
Tonight I have to pack, not merely for a week-long business trip to Washington, DC but also I need to pack up the stuff remaining in the house–my stuff, which needs to get moved to San Francisco the day after I return from my trip. The trip should go well but it’ll be a pretty intense work experience with the guy who is replacing me. And while this guy is a thoroughly wonderful guy, I mean, working long hours in the data center followed by a shared hotel room is maybe going to be a bit much. Also, Northern Virginia is a suburban hellhole.
So, another tough week ahead, hopefully with its share of joy: meeting old friends in DC and spending time with my coworker and our boss. Then, a busy weekend of moving, then, a new life.
With no pause in between.
I know that in San Francisco I will yet shed tears over my wife, my love, my marriage, the Japanese side of my family, and the life I lost. But month after month those tears will grow fewer, and before long there will be no tears at all.
At least, no tears about the past. The future holds many tears of joy and sorrow yet to be shed.
And shared.
Alas, I ended up a bit melancholy and ended up watching a DVD of Newsradio instead. And the week has been going less-than-awesome, such that my return may potentially be postponed a bit. But, we do what we gotta do . . .
2 Comments
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/07/26/unix-trick-block-and-page/
Well, I hope to give some cool narrative of the big move to San Francisco, the awesomeness of my new pad, and the joy joy experience of a hip new job, but for now, I’ll share a little Unix trick.
You ever had a job to do that consisted of issuing a time-consuming command, waiting a long time, then issuing the next time-consuming command, waiting a long time . . . meanwhile, you wander off and focus on other things and the time-consuming command has completed but long ago you stopped paying any attention whatever?
Well, what I do, is ask Unix to page me when the command completes. “Hey, boss! Wake up! Time to look at me again!”
This is pretty easy to rig up. For example, this morning I had to copy a series of CD-ROMs, swapping between each copy, so my command looks like:
cp -rp /media/cdrom/* 10.1 && echo "copy done" | mail -s "copy done" pager@example.com
If you don’t already “get” it, I’ll explain:
cp -rp /media/cdrom/* 10.1- This is the time-consuming command: copy the contents of the CD-ROM to a directory.
&&-
- This means “if the last command completed successfully, execute the next command.” Like a conditional operator in your favorite programming language. Of course, in this context,
;; is probably smarter, as it means “after the last command terminates, successfully or otherwise, execute the next command.” (Even if the copy screws up, I still want to know, right?)
echo "copy done" | mail -s "copy done" pager@example.com- Say “copy done” and send that to the
mail command, with the subject “copy done”, and send that to pager@example.com.
Hrmmm, my pager just went off. I guess I am done posting for now!
5 Comments
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/07/29/week-1/
So, it’s 5:30 on a Friday, and someone brings me a beer. “This is just a clever ploy to get me to work late on Friday!” “You got it!” Well, maybe I’ll “work” on my web site.
So, I moved last Sunday, from the 100 degree heat of Walnut Creek to the 70whatever of the inner sunset of San Francisco. Due to the heat wave, there was no fog in my new neighborhood, so I could see the ocean!
Whilst waiting at the toll plaza to cross the Bay Bridge for my big move, a car of girls pulled up next to me to rave on my “Bin Laden Used Your Gas Money” bumper sticker. I noticed the passenger was toking off a glass pipe, and next I looked, the driver was getting her own hit, waiting to pay the toll. “Ahhh, welcome to San Francisco,” I thought.
Since then life has been quite a hustle of the new job, unpacking, going out . . . I’m not keen on giving a lot of details online, but let us just say that my first week in San Francisco features two first dates, and I haven’t even unpacked everything yet! So, I’m off to a good start and work is groovy too. It’s a sexy little dot-com downtown, and I get to ride the Muni L to work, which is cool for a Chicago boy like me.
I showed up at maybe 9:15 on Monday. Turns out the engineers tend to drift in around 10. So, I have been sleeping pretty well this week. Flex time, how I have missed you!
Let’s see. On my block there’s groceries, laundry, sushi, and a few blocks away is a bar filled with Irish people.
1 Comment
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/08/01/celebrity/
It seems that famous people tend to visit San Francisco. A few weeks ago I was at a party and I saw Al Gore. I walked past him, nodding my head “yo, what’s up.” He nodded his head back at me, “my nigga.” The man was lookin’ sharp.
And just now, the ladies of our office came back making satisfied moaning sounds because they had met Dave Chappelle, who is having coffee at the Peet’s down the block.
I respect both men, but aside from the amusement factor, I’ll let others mob them.
2 Comments
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/08/02/what-i-got/
Lyrics brought to mind by recent conversations:
Well life is (too short) so love the one you’ve got
Coz you might get run over or you might get shot
Never start no static I just get it off my chest
Never had to battle with my bullet-proof vest
Take a small example take a ti-ti-tip from me
Take all of your money give it all to charity
Love’s what I got, is within my reach
And the Sublime style’s still straight from Long Beach
You know it comes back to you you’re bound to get what you deserve
Try and test that, you’re bound to get served
Love’s what I got, don’t start a riot, you’ll feel it when the dance gets hot
Lovin’ is what I got
I said remember that!
For the longest time I thought it was “life is–so not the one you’ve got” which I thought was very philosophical. However “life is too short” is also eminently true, so . .
Taking a brief break from a technical mystery at work. Back to being serious! At least I have a cool soundtrack.
1 Comment
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/08/04/week-2/
On Tuesday I walked a server over to the data center. Since the data center is only half a mile away, and since there was only one half-depth 1U server, I tucked it under my arm and walked over, instead of finding a cab.
The walk was enchanting. I keep recounting a dialogue in which a Dutch woman asked Speed Levitch why they don’t turn off the office lights at night to conserve energy in New York skyscrapers, and Speed answered that “New York City is a movie star, and she’s posing.”
I get that feeling from San Francisco. Where Chicago is practical and utilitarian, San Francisco is in it for looks: the cable cars, the old-timey streetcars that run up Market Street, building rows and rows of cute little houses atop sand dunes in earthquake country, the fog that comes in and gets caught up on the hills, leaving the Sunset grey and the Mission sunny. The weekly parades celebrating sexual identity, ethnic identity, political identity, and assless chaps. The highway that fell down and was replaced by parking lots. The streets that twist back and forth, up and down hills, and then rarely end up quite where you are hoping. I can never turn onto Market St the way I want to the first time, it always takes some finesse. But then that’s why they built the Muni.
I keep getting this buzz when I walk around here, like I am in Europe. And in a way, I am in Europe. I get to frolic in a pedestrian-friendly metropolis after being “let go” much as I spent months on the urban streets of Europe after being “let go” from Transmeta. But this time instead of an interruption or a break from normal life, this is, until normal is redefined yet again, my new “normal” (more…)
Feedback Welcome
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/08/07/yelp/
It is Monday morning and I rolled in to work around 10. Yay flex hours! I checked on and repaired a technical issue I’m working on, then got down to checking e-mail. I found a link to this article which does as good a job of any at describing my new employer.
At first the graph displaying traffic growth is gratifying, then I notice that it is a logarithmic scale, and say to myself “oh yeah, I have a lot of work coming my way” as keeping servers up and running is my little contribution to the whole build-a-better-web-site-by-building-better-users dealio.
The video was fun to watch, though my coworkers look a lot younger. They haven’t deported the British Guy yet: he’s just too cool. I would “embed” the video here but WordPress seems to eat up the HTML code. Dang. Anyway, back to work!
1 Comment
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/08/08/waiting/
1 Comment
Link:
https://dannyman.toldme.com/2006/08/14/quotes-quotes-quotes/
While waiting on a file transfer, perhaps I can share a variety of quotes that have caught my mind lately.
I attended San Francisco’s Unitarian Universalist church for the first time this Sunday. One of the hymns has some lyrics which I dug:
We’ll be a land building up ancient cities,
Raising up devastations from old;
Restoring ruins of generations.
Oh, we’ll build a land of people so bold.
Barabara Zanotti
“We’ll Build a Land”
Then, several quotes from the August, 2006 issue of The Sun, dealing mostly with romantic relationships. (A subject especially near and dear to my heart this year.)
It remains inexplicable to me that we can finally become happy again after someone we love has died. Yet there I stood at the end of my bed, a scant four years out, feeling happy. Was this not betrayal? It does not help to say that the dead are gone and do not care. The problem of grief is never with them; it is with us, with those who remain. Like the bed we lie in, it is ours.
Susan Carol Hauser
“The Marriage Bed”
And a bunch of “Sunbeams” starting with something light-yet-presidential: (more…)
1 Comment
« Older Stuff . . . Newer Stuff »
Arrr!
. . .
Avast!
Site Archive
