2010: My Year in Retweets
Heck, let us jump upon the social media bandwagon. If you don’t “get” Twitter then I’d say that Twitter is pretty much what you make of it. And for me, that’s a distraction where I can pop in and see if anyone I follow has come up with anything entertaining to say, and I can share a thoughtlet of what is on my mind, and then as quick as it came, Twitter is gone and I’m back to the rest of my day.
The following are entertaining bits I have seen fit to “re-tweet” and share with others during 2010, and now I’ll share them with you.
January
An earthquake in Haiti.
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
The word “diarrhea” is hard to spell. Try: transporter problems, Jackson Brown, #3, blowing the devil’s trombone.
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
I bet when babies watch Girls Gone Wild, all they see are lots and lots of meals.
erickolb erickolb
Give as generously as you can to Doctors Without Borders #Haiti #Earthquake Response and help save lives. http://bit.ly/MSFhaiti
BarackObama Barack Obama
Pres. Preval of #Haiti, by phone, to you: “From the bottom of my heart & on behalf of the Haitian people, thank you, thank you, thank you.”
rands rands
The longer you leave that first draft of that important, complex, or controversial email on your screen, the better.
TheSouthButt The South Butt
Tomorrow we’re doing a #giveaway for (3) of our new backpacks for all going back to school this week. To enter, RT or mention @TheSouthButt
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
Remember when that shoe with the pump on it used to be cool? …Yeah, me neither.
rkohr RobKohr / Rob Kohr
Chopsticks are a suprisingly easy way to eat buttered popcorn without getting your fingers greasy.
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
hostel/hostile – The hostel manager became hostile when he caught me screwing his son.
neilhimself Neil Gaiman
For the curious: swear into a Google phone & it transcribes it as ####. But if you swear and then say “dot com” it will write what you said.
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
Don’t use two words when you can use one, unless those two words are “chainsaw duel” because that’s awesome, dude.
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
“Playing” for engaging in sports (e.g., playing baseball); “sporting” for having an erection (e.g., sporting wood).
chowbok Kim Scarborough
I wonder if somewhere there is a group of enthusiastic Avery junkies, who get all excited when a new envelope is announced.
recursive Mike Magin
I’m hoping that we see widespread DRM-free e-books before the paper book dies out.
February
A blizzard in Brooklyn. We also watched on the news as a 3′ tsunami hit Hawaii after Chile’s earthquake.
thejointstaff Adm. Mike Mullen
Stand by what I said: Allowing homosexuals to serve openly is the right thing to do. Comes down to integrity.
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
I bet Greek people don’t make good arsonists because every time they torch up a place, they shout, “OPA!”
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
It’s better to plagiarize from Encarta than from Wikipedia, because people actually read Wikipedia.
modcloth ModCloth
Little kids reenact Jersey Shore. Have you seen this yet? It’s hilarious, even if you don’t watch the show! http://bit.ly/aRSGe6 HR
faithy Faithy
I like deal breakers: “If he can’t figure out the public transportation system, well … I don’t want you dating him.” http://bit.ly/a63MK0
okcupid OkCupid
“Americans are more into oral sex later in life, but Iowa City & Birmingham are definitely ahead of the curve.” http://okcupid.com/z/qv4
March
We provided foster care for four adorable kittens.
The Democrats passed health care reform, and there was much rejoicing, or something. Since everyone hates it I guess it is a successful compromise.
rands rands
When you say “Let’s roll up our sleeves”, I hear “I don’t want to get my sleeves dirty”.
rands rands
Things I learned from writing: Never ever ever never ever try to write/edit an article, chapter, whatever if it’s not speaking to you.
nathanrabin Nathan Rabin
Holy shit, MY YEAR OF FLOPS has a release date: October 19th! http://authors.simonandschuster.com/Nathan-Rabin/45083314/books
RobDenBleyker Rob DenBleyker
I enjoy the look of confusion on cashiers’ faces when I say “keep the change” after paying with credit card
foranimalsinc For Animals
The 4 kittens rescued last week are doing well in a foster home, but they can only care for them until Friday…. http://bit.ly/bbORdv
kenyatta kenyatta cheese
thinking of going around town painting the inside of deep potholes a bright yellow in order as a warning to other cyclists.
April
I took Mei to Europe. We visited London, Paris, Lyon, Rome, and Venice. Then the volcano erupted in Iceland, so we visited Florence, and camped out at Lido, near Rome’s airport.
We also made it out to visited Dad and Gwen in Colorado, and Mom and Grandma visited us in Brooklyn.
Poland lost much of its executive branch in a plane crash, and BP began spilling oil into the gulf of Mexico.
May
Mei learned to ride a bicycle. I got to tour the New York’s abandoned “City Hall” subway station. We began fostering two older “rescue” kittens, Maxwell and Maggie, in an attempt to “socialize” them to living with people. Mei’s folks visited to attend her graduation from residency, and a week later I took her to Coney Island.
On May 19, a young man, Ronald Glover, was murdered around the corner from our apartment. BP continued spilling oil in to the Gulf of Mexico.
dmac1 Doug MacMillan
Peter Rojas, Matt Cutts, and Paul Kedrosky deactivated their Facebook accounts. Any other recent high-profile Facebook fleers?
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
In New England, a “clowder” refers to milk-based felines. In Manhattan, it refers to tomato-based cats.
NYTransitMuseum NY Transit Museum
Any weekend plans? Reservations available for this Saturday’s Old City Hall Station Tour. Valid membership required. Call (718) 694-1867.
SarrahPalinU5A Sarrah Palin
I’m so heartbroken about this spill in the gulf situation. All those animals. They’re polluting our oil.
PATHTweet PATH
Per http://PATHalerts.com Service between HOB & WTC is suspended in both directions, due to police activity. #ServAdv
PROMO_TWEET Promoted Tweet
GOOGLE WAVE: NOW THE GENERAL PUBLIC IS FREE TO NOT USE WHAT TECH INSIDERS HAVEN’T BEEN USING FOR MONTHS
sockington Sockamillion
STRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH oh come now this belly doesn’t rub itself DO I HAVE TO DROP ALL THE HINTS AROUND HERE
Slate Slate
Daley to reporter “If I put this [gun] up your butt, you’ll find out how effective [Chicago anticrime initiative] is” http://slate.me/a8n46M
gucky Amanda C. Peterson
Surprising quote: “You don’t have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight.” — Barry Goldwater
kpereira Kevin Pereira
ABC 7 breaking news tonight: reactions to the Lost finale. MY reaction? THERE’S OIL SPEWING INTO THE OCEAN, YOU ASSHOLES!
ktgeek Keith T. Garner
Things I love about my job: I will probably never lose 7 teeth while performing work duties
92YTribeca 92YTribeca
One of our coworkers got her first French kiss from an actual French man – POINTS FOR AUTHENTICITY! http://ow.ly/1PL8i #firstkiss
neilhimself Neil Gaiman
Vaguely disappointed to learn that BP’s “top kill procedure” will leave its entire executive strata alive.
TheOnion The Onion
Entire Facebook Staff Laughs As Man Tightens Privacy Settings http://onion.com/bzOA8z
June
One weekend after brunching at Two Boots in Park Slope, Mei and I were walking through Prospect Park. I asked her to stop, got down on a knee and asked if she would marry me. With tears in her eyes, she accepted my proposal, and we kissed.
BP continued spilling oil in to the Gulf of Mexico, while we watched world football games on television.
StephenAtHome Stephen Colbert
two wrongs don’t make a right. but i’m determined to find out how many wrongs do
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
My doctor made me stop drinking for health reasons. I guess antifreeze is THAT bad for you, but gosh, do I miss that sweet, sweet, taste.
StephenAtHome Stephen Colbert
george w. bush has a facebook page. i bet he’s clearing a lot of brush in farmville
eugeneiiim Eugene
Looking for QA and IT candidates for Palantir in Palo Alto. $10,000 to you if someone you refer by 6/30 is hired.
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
You know hipsters and yuppies have overrun your neighborhood when you long for the time gunfire put you to sleep.
jennybento jenny bento
Nothing makes me want to get a backalley sterilization like brunch with uncontrolled children.
jennybento jenny bento
these new iphone features are enough to make me ignore all those factory workers killing themselves.
BPGlobalPR BP Public Relations
England vs. USA recap: “Football”: England 1 – USA 1 : “Crapping in the other’s Gulf”: England 54 – USA 0 ^Tony
paulandstorm Paul and Storm
[S] Google Wave is finally out of of Beta! Now EVERYONE can not understand what you’re supposed to do with it.
Oatmeal Matthew Inman
All these pedantic assclowns are tweeting at me that the proper pluralization of LEGO is LEGO bricks. Fuck that. Multiple LEGO = LEGOs
doriantaylor Dorian Taylor
Whenever I imagine software people focusing on usability I think about a bunch of chefs sitting around discussing edibility.
StephenAtHome Stephen Colbert
in honor of oil-soaked birds, ‘tweets’ are now ‘gurgles. http://bit.ly/cIhZNf
OldFunnyJoker oldfunnyjoker
This World Cup is working out like WW2 – France have forfeited, the USA turned up late, and England are left to fight the Germans!
megE123 MegE
I heard the CEO of AT&T got married recently. The service was great but the reception was terrible.
danco Dan Coulter
Steve Jobs says that every phone drops reception when you hold it. Funny, my Nexus One doesn’t.
GopherCoder Jason Govig
Farmville is such a shitty-ass stupid game (and I can say this without playing it), that I don’t even want to read about why people play it.
SarrahPalinU5A Sarrah Palin
Big Announcement today! I have converted to one of those Muslims. What can I say, I like myself a good AK-47.
July
Mei and I trekked to Hoboken, New Jersey, to watch the fireworks.
In Oakland, BART police officer Johannes Mehserle received a light sentence of manslaughter for his shooting death of Oscar Grant. Oakland, to its credit, failed to riot. Mid-way through the month, BP stopped spilling oil in to the Gulf of Mexico.
As Mei was finished with her residency, and I was still employed by a San Jose-based company, we prepared for our move back to Northern California.
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
I just bought a brand of rum called Mount Gay. That’s usually what I do when I drink too much rum, so it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
mlevchin Max Levchin
“We’ll distribute great local deals to our audience” is the business model meme of the year.
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
Take care not to screw up people’s lives with the advice column. That’s a job for the horoscopes.
feistyelle Feisty Elle
Our office left staff out early on account of the verdict reading. Hope everyone’s safe and keeping a cool head in Oakland. #mehserle
SFBART SFBART
Minor northbound delays at Hayward due to a medical emergency. Crowding at other stations has eased.
doomsey doomsey
hah! “Copying homework is a leading indicator of becoming a business major,†Pritchard says. (http://bit.ly/cQVxXc via slashdot)
DBAHULK Bruce Banner
HULK NOT KNOW WHY MYSQL PICK WRONG INDEX. HULK KNOW HOW TO GET RIGHT INDEX. HULK FORCE!
okcupid OkCupid
New blog post! We checked data on 1M users and found lies on sex, height, & pic age. Yes, we know you’re shocked. http://okcupid.com/z/bc83
drewtoothpaste drewtoothpaste
Any viral marketing plan by Old Spice should have started with not making Old Spice smell like a nursing home.
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
Never say anything about a colleague in a private e-mail that you wouldn’t put in print, since it’s going to end up there anyway.
August
ROAD TRIP! We drove all of our belongings in a Penske rent-a-truck from New York City to Mountain View, CA, stopping in Chicago and Pueblo, CO along the way.
So, how does working from home compare with working from the office? Working from home allows greater productivity, because you skip the commute and can just grind away for several hours with few interruptions. It can also get a bit lonely at times. At the office, I’m not as productive as I was at the home office, but I get more opportunities to collaborate with colleagues: sharing skills and refining ideas. I’d say that for technology, a 40-80% telecommute could be ideal, but I haven’t had the chance to experiment, as our first Mountain View apartment was a one-bedroom.
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
Apparently there’s a new Mad Max movie coming out. It’s going to be titled: “Mel Gibson’s Real Life.”
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
If Stephen Hawking had a blues album, it’d be called, “Stephen Hawking Speaks the Blues.”
TheOnion The Onion
Opinion: If I Hadn’t Found Jesus, I’d Feel Pretty Shitty About My Crimes http://onion.com/buEICG
ju916 ju
Just OH: ” How many SEO experts does it take to change a light bulb, lightbulb, light, bulb, lamp, lighting, switch, sex, xxx, hardcore?”
bramcohen Bram Cohen
At BitTorrent we got our engineering culture back by canning everyone who’d ever said we were a media company.
googlecalendar Google Calendar
To all the south paws out there, happy Left Hander’s Day! http://bit.ly/d2oJzW
TelstarLogistic Todd Lappin
WiFi Then Fly: SFO announces that free public Wifi now available throughout the airport, two weeks ahead of schedule. (via press release)
myzt Stas Miasnikou
The main idea of “Inception”: if you run a VM inside a VM inside a VM inside a VM, everything will be very slow
almightygod almightygod
To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click “I agree.”
drewtoothpaste drewtoothpaste
Playing Good Cop Bad Cop with my daughter. I slammed my hand down on the table, screaming, “You goddamn well know where Waldo is! Tell us!”
StephenAtHome Stephen Colbert
Why does Mexico need gay marriage? We already have a gay Mexico– Spain.
lukkhacoder lukkhacoder
@Redfin It’s pains to see that Redfin does not have Walkscore integration while ZipRealty does.
anildash Anil Dash
Wait ’til folks discover the default location for check-ins on Foursquare Places is the ground zero mosque.
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
It is perfectly acceptable to split an infinitive, especially if you haven’t brought enough for everybody.
anildash Anil Dash
Can’t wait until Facebook decides to clone Gmail, but with the default setting being that everyone can read your inbox.
ironicsans David Friedman
Just got my Web Is Dead issue of Wired. It came several days after I read all about it plus pro and con arguments and analyses. On the web.
SarrahPalinU5A Sarrah Palin
It warms my heart to see so many conservatives fighting for the rights of white people to use the N-word. You go girl!
TheOnion The Onion
In Focus: Midwest Peace Talks Shattered By Illinois Toll-Booth Bombing http://onion.com/b2nKzW
jeanteasdale Jean Teasdale
719 followers already?!!? Wow, that’s like 300 more ppl than my entire high school was! Color me amazed!
drhastings Christopher Hastings
It is important that you see Scott Pilgrim. http://www.vanityfair.com/online/oscars/2010/08/go-and-pay-to-see-scott-pilgrim-right-now.html
TelstarLogistic Todd Lappin
Airline Trivia Fun Fact.: Quantas is an acronym for Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Services Ltd.
ryanpequin Ryan Pequin
ok guys i’m going to bed for the day now. when i wake up i want to have 2000 followers. make it happen, twitter.
StephenAtHome Stephen Colbert
By reading this tweet, you have earned a masters in communication from Stephen Colbert “University.” Standard text messaging rates apply.
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
I like that video game websites have Army ads on them, because recruiting fatasses in mom’s basement is clearly their target demographic.
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
Always remember, an anagram for “newspaper ombudsman” is “mumps worsen a bedpan.”
September
SarrahPalinU5A Sarrah Palin
It really does bothers me when I hear the word “retarded” used as an insult. People who do that are so gay.
TheOnion The Onion
8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live http://onion.com/9ldi1f
Phineas Phineas
I assume everyone who thinks Progressivism is destroying America will be reporting for their 12-hour shift at the unregulated mine today.
juphoff Jeff Uphoff
Interesting take: “I find it hard to believe that sports facilities are publicly funded when health care is not.” –Dan Gould.
drewtoothpaste drewtoothpaste
Thanks for the suggestion, Amazon, but I don’t want to use “Drew’s Disappointing Career” as my Pay Phrase.
RBReich Robert Reich
The midterms will depend on which is bigger — the “enthusiasm gap” (helping Republicans) or the “extremist gap” (hurting them).
ryanpequin Ryan Pequin
i hate when i try to find something online so i can steal it and it isn’t there. what good is the internet if i can’t steal everything ever?
CobraCommander Cobra Commander
What’s on my mind? Just killed Facebook. Now the world won’t know what you ate for lunch! COBRA!
TheDollSays Dolly
Facebook users are roaming the streets in tears, shoving photos of themselves in people’s faces and screaming ‘DO YOU LIKE THIS? DO YOU??’
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
When a delicate situation arises, I like to handle it with kid gloves. The kid gloves I got from Michael Jackson.
October
We made it to Wisconsin for a wedding of one of Mei’s medical school friends.
Those Chilean miners got rescued from the bowels of the Earth, and there was much rejoicing.
PeterGriffinn Peter Griffin
I’m pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they’ve never even heard of vodka before
erickolb erickolb
Using the command line is like having a frank conversation with your OS. The GUI’s a layer of passive-aggressive bullshit keeping you apart.
shitmydadsays Justin
“You don’t have to be good to succeed. You just gotta be the least shitty option. Example: We’re eating at The Olive Garden.”
flyingwithfish Flying With Fish
My 5 year old son just watched a show on women helo pilots in the US Navy & asked “Dad, can boys do that too?” … I loved that :0) #avgeek
kevinmitnick Kevin Mitnick
Saw social network. Zuckerberg hacked into Harvard and got academic probation. I got 5 years. What’s wrong with the picture?
ktgeek Keith T. Garner
It was jut pointed out to me that thanks to the Internet the porn singularity has occurred. We are in a post-porn-scarcity world.
StephenAtHome Stephen Colbert
Spent my week off doing some early trick-or-treating in the Caribbean. Yachters sure are generous when you’re wearing a pirate costume.
jasonbrooks Jason Brooks
So Linux is dead, Microsoft is dead, Java is dead, Flash is dead, the Web is dead, and MySpace has a new logo!
FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook
When writing about Kanye West, please realize that you’re just encouraging him.
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
Whenever I leave the house, I feel like I’m forgetting something. By the time I’m in the backseat of the cop car, I think, “Clothes!”
nedroid Anthony
I like when a cat puts a fish in its mouth, then pulls out the skeleton. Thought it was only in cartoons but then I saw a real cat do it
November
San Francisco won the World Series. Fans torched the city. I wish we would stop spending public money to subsidize professional sports.
I had a chance to attend the “LISA 2010” sysadmin conference . . . in San Jose. Met a lot of nice sysadmins.
For Thanksgiving, we visited Mei’s family in Hawaii. This was my first visit. Nice place! There was much feasting, and we selected a venue for the wedding, and set a date in 2011.
When we got home, we took receipt of a notice from the landlord giving us three days to pay or quit. The deadline had passed. I sent a letter requesting an explanation.
dorisnight Angela Tung
thank god the world series is over. now i don’t have to deal with bright orange douches & douchettes on the CalTrain for another season.
TheOnion The Onion
Remember to take the day off to vote. And the day before, to psyche up. And the morning after, to dry out. #OnionVoteTip #Election
FakeeEtiquette Fake e-Etiquette
If a Facebook friend request has been pending for a long time, politely accept with a message detailing your recent mining job in Chile.
BrianLynch Brian Lynch
Meg Whitman discovered the position of governer does not have a “Buy it Now” option.
svtransitupdts SV Transit Updates
RT @caltrain No schedules for SB trains. All SB are local & depart when full (every 15-20 min) as of 5:30pm.
StephenAtHome Stephen Colbert
If the cold weather is getting you down, just change the month on your watch to June and go for a jog on the beach!
StephenAtHome Stephen Colbert
Times are so tough that IHOP is now I-OP. The house part was foreclosed on.
anildash Anil Dash
I always slightly resent being asked to justify why I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs or practice a religion. I’m the *default* setting!
mkapor Mitch Kapor
I just deactivated my Facebook account. Terminally fed up with constant privacy encroachments.
photomatt Matt Mullenweg
There was a wedding on my @VirginAmerica flight to New York! The captain flew briefly over Canadian airspace so two gentleman could marry.
bstiteler Bill Stiteler
I propose that instead of the Freedom Touch, TSA make us dance. Because as George Michael tells us, guilty feet have got no rhythm.
TelstarLogistic Todd Lappin
Hot Wheels: Artist Chris Burden combines Mattel toy cars, Lego, and Lincoln Logs to create world-class kinetic art: http://bit.ly/bZifpR
caseystratton Casey Stratton
Pope says condoms OK to prevent AIDS. In other news I just got a new Trapper Keeper and can’t wait for NYE 1985!
ptemples Phil Temples
“This is America. We don’t have adult conversations. We have Twitter.†-unknown
paulsmith Paul Smith
Any time a movement is being driven by libertarian bloggers, it’s time to get off that bus.
Halcyon John Halcyon Styn
“It is scary how much false attribution of quotes occurs on Twitter.” – Mark Twain
anildash Anil Dash
Hey I’ve been lined up in front of this Circuit City since Thursday. Any idea when the doorbusters start?
jezhumble jezhumble
Just occurred to me: there is more address space in my credit card number than in IPv4
patsajak Pat Sajak
Had my ego examined and certified by State of California. Now allowed to drive alone in car pool lane.
Nonapeptide Wesley Nonapeptide
When I start thinking I’m an unparalleled loser, I just browse Craigslist Singles listings. I feel way better about myself now.
BarackObama Barack Obama
Confident that our troops will adapt to a repeal of DADT and remain the best led, best trained, best equipped fighting force in the world.
December
The landlord never answered my letter, but instead filed a civil suit of unlawful detainer against us. I talked to a bunch of people in Virginia to establish that they had made a billing error and undercharged our November rent, and they wanted me to pay the difference, plus a late fee, plus re-pay the December rent, plus their legal fees. I talked to some lawyers who indicated that we had a good case, so I compiled an answer, and am looking forward to the hearing.
However, the stress of worrying over an eviction proceeding over the holidays was a bit much, so we took the opportunity to seek out and move to a bigger apartment in a nicer complex. Since nobody wants to move the week before Christmas, they gave us the first month’s rent free.
Mei was notified that she had passed the medical Board Exam for which she had been studying since finishing her residency. To say that she was elated would be an understatement.
Congress repealed “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” and there was much rejoicing.
We made it home to Chicago for the holidays. There was much eating and visiting family and friends.
NASA_Ames NASA Ames
No more guessing! Astrobiology announcement starts now on NASA TV http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/nasatv/index.html
FakeeEtiquette Fake e-Etiquette
If a horny local single invites you to chat, it is polite to make light conversation until the horniness subsides.
jonathancoulton Jonathan Coulton
YOU GUYS WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU FORGET YOUR SLEEP NUMBER!? I CAN’T TELL IF THIS BED IS TOO HARD OR TOO SOFT!!
dpaola2 Dave Paola
Security and freedom will always be at odds, both in our American society and inside remote interactive python shells.
crispycracka Christy Ann
It’s nice of Universal Studios to have a “child swap” area, so if you decide you don’t like the kid you brought, you can get a better one!
andol Andreas Olsson
More and more of tweets are retweets. Not entirely sure on whatever that is a good or a bad thing.
anotherlandguy Russell Nagle
To: the man reading to his daughter on @sfbart (including all the silly voices). You sir are full of win.
anildash Anil Dash
Don’t be assholes about Tumblr’s outage; Shit happens, & then it gets fixed. Meanwhile, *WRITE* a blog post instead of just quoting one.
japolo RJ B.
seriously, ubuntu. it’s like you’ve picked all the ugly colors in the rainbow. bruise purple, off-brand dreamsicle orange.
ptorrone phillip torrone
“any sufficiently advanced hobby is indistinguishable from a job” – from a reader, nice.
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
It’s true, what they say. You really can never go back home again. Especially if you’ve burned it down in a drunken rage.
JoeLieberman Joe Lieberman
Senator Reid told me he will “Rule 14” the free-standing #DADT repeal so it skips cmte and can come directly to the Senate floor.
ConanOBrien Conan O’Brien
The fear of getting stuck in a chimney is called santaclaustrophobia. I wrote that joke when I was eight, and it still holds up.
alqaeda Al-Qaeda
Just noticed Twitter keeps prompting me to “Add a location to your tweets”. Not falling for that one.
kmcphillips Kevin McPhillips
Share government’s secrets, go to jail. Share normal people’s secrets, TIME man of the year!
anildash Anil Dash
On the plus side, all you people who’ve skated by on auto-posting your Delicious links to your blog are gonna have to start writing again.
StormyPenguin Zack McQueen
Train operator: “Next stop, Hayward Park! Home of… uuh K-Mart. Good Christmas shopping there I guess. Yeah. Hayward Park” I love caltrain
FartSandwich Fart Sandwich
I guess CNN said Morgan Freeman died, then retracted the statement, which means he’s probably just a zombie. I’m cool with that.
agschick Andrew Schick
Cartooning advice: draw with a spy/thriller movie in the background. The musical score makes your sketches seem way more important.
douglaskarr Douglas Karr
Nothing quite brings out the spirit of the Holiday Season as much as tons of unnecessary #email & the subsequent unsubscribes.
Nonapeptide Wesley Nonapeptide
If you are selling a service online and do not have an “About Us” page with real names and pictures of employees I will not buy from you
joeschmitt Joe Schmitt
I don’t mean to brag, but I’m so old I can remember when blankets didn’t have sleeves.
snipeyhead snipe ツ
Why are Assembly programmers always soaking wet? They work below C-level. #rimshot
bradfitz Brad Fitzpatrick
Called AT&T (with a phone!) to cancel antiquated Yellow Pages delivery. They offered CD-ROM(!!) delivery as alternative. wtf.
feistyelle Feisty Elle
One of the things I miss about China is that I could actually peek over people’s shoulders! :) #notshortinasia
chemical_smile Verified ✔ Brian
I just got kicked out of Barnes & Noble for putting all the Bibles in the fiction section.
SteveMartinToGo Steve Martin
The new year is almost here. I hope I can remember to stop writing 1998 on my personal checks.
rstevens rstevens
Just passed a defunct business called El Delicioso Hot Dog Express. Maybe I could steal the sign and open a male brothel.
2010 was a good year for me and mine. I hope that 2011 is a good year for you and yours.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
