Ritalin for Swine

Until the last twenty out of a million years of human history, our “neurological disorders” were merely our personalities.

–Poe Ballantine
“Methamphetamine for Dummies”
from The Sun, July, 2007

Which only brings to mind that line from Pulp Fiction:

Pig (CC: Jeremy van Bedijk)

Vincent: Want some bacon?
Jules: No man, I don’t eat pork.
[ . . . ]
Vincent: Why not?
Jules: Pigs are filthy animals. I don’t eat filthy animals. . . . I ain’t eat nothin’ that ain’t got sense enough to disregard its own feces.
Vincent: How about a dog? A dog eats its own feces. . . . do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules: I wouldn’t go so far as to call a dog filthy but they’re definitely dirty. But, a dog’s got personality. Personality goes a long way.
Vincent: Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules: Well we’d have to be talkin’ about one charmin’ motherfuckin’ pig. I mean he’d have to be ten times more charmin’ than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I’m sayin’?

Perhaps Jules is avoiding “mad swine” disease. Were the pigs to receive proper medication that addressed their poop-eating neurological disorders, he might find their personalities tasty delicious.

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Categories: Excerpts

  • Best blog post title ever!

  • HAHAHA! Thanks, Jessi! -d

  • Corey Phillips

    Interesting. Another interesting thing is how I found it (this post) and how many folks at my work are talking about pigs being filthy to the point of eating their own feces and how they now refuse to eat pork. I don’t have a TV, so I must assume this is being pushed through the TV, maybe on local news channels or something. I searched Google for “Python Sucks” because it definitely does suck and I wanted to read their reasoning for calling it what it is (telling the truth), so I wasn’t looking for anything about pigs. Anyway, if you are saying that this Ritalin/ADD and the Pharmaceutical industry in general is completely corrupted and it treats the symptoms rather than the problem, well then I agree with you.

  • Corey,

    I’m just saying that pigs are tasty delicious. If you read “Fast Food Nation” you will come to appreciate that “there’s shit in the meat.” Unless your coworkers are going to go vegetarian or promote humane treatment of feed animals, I figure there’s no point to discriminating between one species or another.


  • Jessica

    Pigs are actually way more inteligent and have better personalities than dogs. So maybe you should look in to that kind of thing first you know? How many pigs do you know??