About Me, Free Style

Public Toilets

Some ladies started yammering on the Yelp message boards about what a joy it is to hover over a toilet seat rather than sitting on it, and I . . . I respectfully disagreed:

Jesus Christ, people.

I check out the seat, and if there’s skank on it, I take a bit of toilet paper and wipe that skank off.  Pubes?  A bit of splatter?  Nothing can resist my mastery of toilet paper!

(Well, okay, some toilets are just hopeless, I lose the urge, my genitals pucker up into my body and I hold out for the next opportunity.)

Then, I place my ass DIRECTLY ON THE SEAT.

I’m proud to say, i tend to leave a potty cleaner than I found it.  And I believe that is a way to measure a person’s character.

Personally, I think squat toilets are superior for public venues.  Drop your drawers, poop in the hole, wipe up, wash up and go!  Sitting is a luxury i can save for my apartment, at least until I have kids and we all start fighting over the bathroom.

I have read that with a bit of practice (in the shower) that most women can actually get a handle on the stand-and-pee thing.

I mean, in case you were wondering where I stood, er, sat, on the issue of public toilets.

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