Valentine’s Day, 1999
*** Starting conversation with ian
ian: hey bum where are ya?
ian: i know
ian: didnt think ya were around
ian: so lemme ask you since i asked blake
ian: what you gonna do with yer life
dannyman: make some money, bone some chicks, raise some kids possibly, cause some grief, cause some joy, and die.
dannyman: you had anything specific in mind?
ian: me or you?
dannyman: you baby
ian: make ppl smile
ian: if i can create on my own
ian: or at least work with something that accomplishes the same
ian: i dunno
ian: ok so
ian: how do you balance livin with idealism
dannyman: i take what i need, skim a little more of what i want, and the rest i give away
dannyman: but since i’ve been inclined to take what i need, that’s tended to leave little for charity
dannyman: after the degree, i’m going to ask for more
ian: well fuk that
ian: fuk the work
ian: see ya look out for danny first it seems
dannyman: fuck the work?
dannyman: in most cases, danny comes first
ian: where do you draw that line?
ian: is it anything you decide or is it just there?
dannyman: well, it’s kinda like, i’m a component of bigger things. what is my purpose? i should sacrifice of myself for my family, my nation, the people, stuff like that.
ian: well yeah
ian: thats the choice
ian: cant spell
ian: but where do you decide
ian: you know you have something to give
ian: where do you decide?
dannyman: well i know i have plenty to give, it is a question of when it is necessary to give. others give for me so why should i give myself away? you give when it is needed.
ian: damn danny
ian: how do you know
ian: you could easily decide
dannyman: kinda like blood – you healthy, you give blood, you have blood to spare. you in trouble, they give blood, because you need it.
ian: its never needed but for me
ian: yeah but not everyone is like that
dannyman: what is never needed?
ian: they take
ian: and they dont give
dannyman: it probably depends how optimistic you are too. ;)
dannyman: and what you value
ian: well thats what im askin
dannyman: nevermind that i have more cause for optimism than you do … among ppl, i’m in a very good place.
dannyman: but then, so are you.
dannyman: it’s kinda like the government … always takes taxes, but then i don’t particularly mind the free roads, the subsidised oil, the free and subsidised education, the attempts at social welfare, the national defense …
dannyman: … nevermind the hassle it saves if i had to provide all that shit myuself
dannyman: on a smaller level, i try to be friendly to ppl, smile, be polite, courteuous.
dannyman: sometimes when you need that, then other ppl come through, but then fools like me have likely been smiling at them a long time is why. ;)
ian: you think
dannyman: it’s like that saying “if you’ve got it, flaunt it!”
ian: i dunno
ian: matches brb
dannyman: and the more optimistic you are about what you’ve got, the more you can flaunt it.
ian: see i got too much of that christian shit
ian: i feel almost bad flaunting it
ian: its like
ian: and fade back
dannyman: flaunting good will should be a good christian thing though.
dannyman: it’s like, if i goty cash on me, i’m a good tipper
ian: should i agreee
dannyman: not like i wal;k around in flashy nikes. ;)
ian: didnt get taught that for a long time
dannyman: though some ppl get annoyed by cheery ppl
ian: lots do
ian: just been hard fer me lately to decide if im helpin anyone
ian: all my life when i worked for anything it was to help and all
ian: now i dont feel that :/
dannyman: well, you work to help ppl get on the internet all day ya?
ian: yeah but why
dannyman: and you don’t take much in the way of money eh?
ian: not for any idealistic reason
ian: hehe no
dannyman: and then to top that off, you don’t spend all that big enteract paycheck all overyourself either …
ian: lol no i feel too guilty :P
ian: but shit
dannyman: maybe in your spare time, you still feel like you got extra to give, you can volunteer and shit.
ian: this is the first job
ian: i werked for profit
dannyman: profit is a good thing, ian.
dannyman: depends what you do with it.
ian: how did you get that viewpoint
dannyman: you can profit from work so you’ve more to give elsewhere.
dannyman: i listened to enough republicans and extracted the grains of truth.
ian: course you could work direct to help
dannyman: and my mom is a good example.
ian: how so?
dannyman: she’s pulling down big money now, but still volunteers her extra time at church and library, and has 52 charities which get a contribution once per year.
ian: yeah but you always profit off somoene
dannyman: if nobody profits, what’s the sense in the loss?
dannyman: the point to investing your time is that someone profits
ian: there is none
ian: no loss i can live with
dannyman: i read gandhi
ian: loss hurts and i dont like
dannyman: i started to get tired of his tireless self-richeousness.
dannyman: and i wasn’t the only one.
ian: i never read
dannyman: one of his sons made the point that if ppl like gandhi are giving it all away, maybe it is so that others can take some.
dannyman: some ppl like to devote their lives to service
dannyman: some devote their lives to consumption.
dannyman: i want to balance it out in my life, but provide more than i take.
dannyman: that’s partly coz when i was a kid, we din’ have a lot, so i know i really don’t need so many toys ..
dannyman: some ppl don’t realise they want too much … welll, i can be happier with less, so why not?
dannyman: they get too greedy, i’l lay the smack down, and if i get too greedy, some one can smack me.
dannyman: so if you wanna give it away, fine. if you wanna treat yourself, fine.
dannyman: i tend to like the less self-indulgent myself. :)
*** Signoff: ian (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by peer))
ian^: hehe fukin enteract
dannyman: charitibility is an opinion, a point of view. gandhi thought pacifism was a similar point of view, and hoped that if one were to take up a good cause by their preferred means of violence that they might also succeed.
ian^: and do you usually assume ppl are say more self sacrificing or less?
dannyman: i usually assume i can spot ‘m from time to time.
ian^: to me tis a hard descision
ian^: to say well
ian^: they want to be that
ian^: let em
dannyman: i figure what goes around comes around … too much greed will lead to disaster, which breeds sacrifice
ian^: ill be how i am
dannyman: as long as you are aware of what’
dannyman: s going on, you’ve got a leg up on everyone else. ;)
ian^: how do i know
ian^: i mean
ian^: i could be nieve
ian^: hehe college boy ;)
dannyman: you live you learn
dannyman: the greedies will take you for a fool
ian^: overall ppl who give are easy prey
ian^: but is that bad?
dannyman: while others will give you gifts you never realise
dannyman: and if the charitable are taken advantage of too much, they become less charitable
dannyman: if everyone around you is a pig, you may find your charity wasted among them
ian^: then you get into religion
ian^: give and try to show
dannyman: speak for yourself ;)
ian^: someday one might see
dannyman: give for the sake of giving
dannyman: if you can educate with an example, that’s nice too.
ian^: lots to think about
ian^: i mean
ian^: give why
ian^: to puff yerself up?
dannyman: but giving for the sake of showing how you can do your good deeds … showing off? that’s just another form of self gratification
dannyman: you give because it’s right
dannyman: din jesus say to pray in the closet
ian^: and who does
ian^: not many
dannyman: but still be a witness for others
ian^: from my life
ian^: in chitown
ian^: i mean
ian^: i can count on one hand
dannyman: the best ppl i find keep their goodnerss close to their heart, while preaching or demonstrating by example on occasion
ian^: ppl who feel like that
ian^: say me
ian^: not yer concern
dannyman: many ppl don’t question themselves like you are
dannyman: some are good without realkizing it
dannyman: some are bad for the same reason
ian^: wish i could do that
ian^: i think too much
dannyman: you’re just conscious of what your doing, which is a nifty gift, even if it might drive you batty sometimes
ian^: make me dum danny
ian^: i always wanted to ask ya
ian^: i mean you can go in circles
dannyman: i’d tell you to go beat yourself in the head, but you couldn’t do that because you know better
ian^: i can anyway
ian^: like ok im good
ian^: why am i good
ian^: why do i feel bad for being good
ian^: why do i care
ian^: but then its always that core
ian^: where it is beyond me
dannyman: well, you’re good and you can do better. are you being a sucker? i dunno. are things working for you anyway? push the envelope maybe, or just go wack off.
dannyman: it’s all the same to an atheist like me.
ian^: as i am
dannyman: coz in the end i’
ian^: say now
ian^: talkin to blake
ian^: tryin to find out
ian^: he sees it diff
dannyman: m a mass of pulp who does good for his own self-conscious sake
ian^: well ok danny
dannyman: i think me and blake talking could be insightful :)
ian^: why is is self concious?
dannyman: what about self conscious?
ian^: how much do you look at what you do
ian^: or do you just do
dannyman: mmmm prolly a lot more than most ppl. i keep trying to outsmart myself you know ;)
dannyman: but then i never get anything done unless i tell my consciousness to shut up and do
dannyman: dumb ppl get a lot of shit done
dannyman: do they do the right thing? i hope so.
ian^: well why do they
ian^: assuming they do
dannyman: smart ppl better do better smarter coz they blow a lot of time thinking about it ;)
dannyman: why do they do right?
ian^: i mean
dannyman: maybe they were brought up right
ian^: hehe why though
dannyman: a lot of them do wrong. bad environment
ian^: could have easily been brought up to be selfish
ian^: and think hurt is ok
dannyman: they msay think hurt is GOOD
dannyman: if they fuck you over, they’re doing good by keeping you down and taking care of number one
ian^: say to me
ian^: thats not kewl
ian^: that hurts
dannyman: no it sucks
ian^: and brings everything down
ian^: who am i to say/
ian^: it keeps them alive
dannyman: so the clever ones can maybe figure out a way to convince them that hurt aing good
ian^: you dont find many clever evil ppl
ian^: when ya do though
ian^: they are GOOD at it
dannyman: a benefit of sel;f-awareness and understanding moticvations is that you can maybe alter your own ambitions and others too
ian^: not to run in circles
dannyman: a lot of clever evil ppl are either lucky, or they’re really torn up inside
ian^: cause i do
ian^: but hmm
ian^: too much catholic guilt
dannyman: well, you run in circles, you get in shape for when you gotta run somewhere else. ;)
ian^: how do you look at that and not think better of yourself?
dannyman: how do i look at what?
ian^: that is the quote of the year i think :D
ian^: well ok
ian^: take you
ian^: how you see yerself
ian^: not dum
ian^: say hmm
ian^: not better
ian^: in a sense
dannyman: i’m extrremely intelligent
dannyman: i’m not better though. better off
dannyman: might does not make right, though it gives you the chance to see yourself that way.
ian^: seems hard the way things are to fall into that
dannyman: i suppose i could teach myself to manipulate others very well for my own ends, and whose to say i shouldn’t … if i’m smarter, i deserve more no?
ian^: and you could say
dannyman: no i don’t desrve more
ian^: well you make your world
ian^: why dont you?
dannyman: i was given more, so i should figure out how to give more.
dannyman: the game of accumulating more that gets boriong … the game of balancing things out is more interesting. :)
ian^: why do you think that thouhg
ian^: but i mean
ian^: how many ppl you know that think
ian^: i was given so much
ian^: i should share
ian^: i dunno
ian^: lol i know im not gonna know tonihgt
ian^: if it all clicked id be handing out danny books :P
dannyman: sure … if it starts to make sense to you, please write it down and send it over. :)
ian^: dont hold yer breath
dannyman: coz then you’ll save me the work of understanding it more formally.
ian^: i doubt that :P
dannyman: aww c’;mon bro, i’m just tryin’ to mooch good works offa ya. :)
ian^: night danny
ian^: girlie callin
ian^: just called to say she is goin out some :P
dannyman: going out some?
dannyman: with you?
ian^: course not
ian^: cut my hair too short fer that
dannyman: well, i did have a hope there you know. ;)
*** Ending conversation with ian^
ian^: hey one last thing
ian^: i could look but have you updated yer journal at all?
dannyman: not in a while
ian^: i saw
ian^: why not?
dannyman: busy, but also unsettled
dannyman: i’m dating a 17-year old for one …
ian^: asian again?
dannyman: not sure how much i wanna talk about it before i’ve talked to her some more.
dannyman: no, she looks a lot like me actually
ian^: i gave up someone for stiinky enteract
dannyman: frankly, i’m glad to branch out, but there’s always gotta be a catch. ;)
dannyman: no wonder you look so defeated. :)
dannyman: well, inddex is working
ian^: how so?
ian^: im scattered
ian^: tonight is my rum nighht
ian^: forgive me
dannyman: thas okay dude
dannyman: well, you have an aura about you of “droopy” you know, the cartoon dog? that’s because you chose work over nookie.
ian^: ya i know
ian^: this is the first time too
ian^: i dont like it
dannyman: you’ll perk up someday. get yourself a bug :)
dannyman: that’s how i got me bethy here. :)
ian^: i member now you mentioned
ian^: same girl
dannyman: she was cruisin with the girlfriends, then suddenly flipped for my beetle. :)
dannyman: pimpmobile i tell ya :)