Link: https://dannyman.toldme.com/1997/08/18/exrc/

On yet another note … well;

set wm=3
set shiftwidth=3
set verbose
set sm
ab sh1 <h1></h1>
ab sh1c <h1 align="center"></h1>
ab sh3 <h3></h3>
ab sh3c <h3 align="center"></h3>
ab shr <hr>
ab shr50 <hr width="50%">
ab shref <a href=""></a>
ab smailto <a href="mailto:djhoward@uiuc.edu">djhoward@uiuc.edu</a>
ab sbold <b></b>
ab sital <i></i>
ab sstr <strong></strong>
ab sem <em></em>

Still, I’d like to make things even nicer, so I might type;
This word is sitalitalicised[ESC].
And it might be rendered as;
This word is <i>italicised</i>.

We’ll see … vi is cool.

Later that Night …

Well, I hadn’t intended to waste my night on vi … but what the heck … after learning far more about vi than I ever originally intended;

set wm=3
set shiftwidth=3
set sm
map sh1 i<h1></h1>4hi
map shc1 i<h1 align="center"></h1>4hi
map sh3 i<h3></h3>4hi
map shc3 i<h3 align="center"></h3>4hi
ab shr <hr>
ab shr50 <hr width="50%">
map shref i <a href=""></a>5hi
ab smailto <a href="mailto:djhoward@uiuc.edu">djhoward@uiuc.edu</a>
map sb i <b></b>3hi
map si i <i></i>3hi
map sstr i <strong></strong>8hi
map sem i <em></em>4hi

Yes, my children, strong medicine there. Not really strong, but strong enough to warm my cockles for now.

And the agenda for tomorrow? Head on out towards Grandma to aid in her connectivity. I should get some rest now though, I’ll try to be around to write more tomorrow night, maybe morning? I haven’t scratched the surface of what I should say tonight. Sawree, but it is 0230h!

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Chief Illiniwek, Politics

Da Chief

Link: https://dannyman.toldme.com/1997/08/18/da-chief/

And Chief Illiniwek was the topic of discussion at dinner. I made a remark about the DIA being the same bit of the University that has the offensive mascot, and Brian and Anatoly sprung to his defense.

What, may you ask, is my beef with the chief?

As mascots go, he is in poor taste. Let’s say, hypothetically, that you conquer and pretty much destroy a people. Then you decide to honor that people by taking a symbol of leadership and spirituality, and have one of your own people dress in that manner to dance around at a football game. Honor? That seems disrespectful. I tried to make an argument, what if we were to use Jesus as a mascot? the pope? A rabbi? I implored of ‘toly that if the mascot were Jesus Christ dancing the Macarena and the majority of the 80% Christian population of our country were left a little offended if that might not be grounds for changing our mascot. He conceded that point. My next rhetorical argument was that why then did the same standard not apply when the offended group was an underrepresented racial minority … and he started to sound eerily Libertarian … the sort of attitude that if people can not defend their own, then there is nothing wrong with them getting fucked over.

That is not a positive attitude, might does not make right.

Anyway, I did not dissuade either of them, but I do believe given the food for thought, that our argument may have an effect on them. I was once in their shoes too, thinking that all this Chief-bashing was counterproductive and inspired by over-zealous political-correctness. But as I asked Goth Dan, how he felt about the Chief, he said “I think it’s dumb.” – It’s a mascot, er, a “symbol” in poor taste, that is kept around in large part due to institutional inertia.

And I have a fetish for fighting institutional inertia.

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About Me, Biography, Religion


Link: https://dannyman.toldme.com/1997/09/24/fasting/

And the people bowed and prayed

To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said,
The words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisper’d in the sounds of silence.

Paul Simon,
The Sound of Silence

I have eaten today, four pieces of rye bread and a rather mediocre french fry that I stole from Dave in a moment of mindlessness.

I’m not hungry either, at least not very.

Why haven’t I eaten?

I’ve been toying a while with the idea of fasting … it seems something truly … insightful? I don’t know quite what I expect out of it, but Gandhi advocated the fast as a tool that would help one attain spiritual enlightenment.

In the Order of the Arrow, “meager rations” are something an inductee will suffer during their ordeal … there seems something spiritual about hunger, I’m not sure what.

Hunger is not something we normally experience. At least, if we are hungry, most of us in the modern world, hell, most of us throughout the world, will eat something. What is it like to “go hungry”?

I don’t know.

You see, it’s a simple experiment … eat naught but two pieces of rye bread at the meals I’ve been at today, and drink water … simple, a sort of “purification” and denial of a physical pleasure. Much like clergy may take vows of celibacy … I’m not likely to do that any time soon, but I might try today a simple experiment with a short fast, and expand upon that if I feel there may be more value to pursue there.

I will break fast tomorrow at 1100h when I’m scheduled to meet Casey for lunch over at Busey-Evans.

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About Me, News and Reaction, Religion


Link: https://dannyman.toldme.com/1997/10/02/gandhi/

The first bullet hit Gandhi in the stomach. Instinctively he cried out, “Ram, Ram!” Two more shots cracked out. Gandhi stumbled, his spectacles dangling on one ear and his sandals coming loose. He was severely wounded; blood gushed from his abdomen and his breast and stained his spotless white loincloth. He folded his hands in a gestureful prayer, lifted them toward his audience, and then fell down, doubled up with pain. He was carried indoors, but all efforts to save his life proved vain. Thirty minutes after the dastardly attack, the tragic announcement was made in three words: “Bapu is dead.”

Ranjee Shahani
Mr. Gandhi

I just got back from a speech given by Dr. Rajmohan Gandhi, where he spoke of Gandhi’s legacy and ideas. The Levis Faculty Center was packed to standing room, with a second overflow room where video was available, where people were flowing out in to the hallway. I sat on the floor, just behind the venerable grandson of Mohandas, having volunteered my seat to a lady wearing a Sari.

The event was awesome. Mr. Gandhi spoke about Mr. Gandhi, his beliefs, his practices, yadda yadda … at the end he took questions. Given the saint-like quality of Gandhi, the air was quite reverent. Even those who asked questions with a tone critical of Gandhi’s politics seemed to be seeking some sort of truth. During the presentation itself the feeling was somewhat of a memorial service being held for our fallen hero. A few moments I was stirred nearly to tears.

Now I have the feeling of one who has attended an ad hoc Church gathering or the like. I feel reverent and thoughtful, and sad that the occasion has ended, but very glad that it had taken place.

IVC and CFC have sponsored a preacher named Cliffe to speak on the Quad this week. I am impressed with this fellow. I feel somewhat guilty, though the point I raised was valid and insightful, I asked Cliffe if Gandhi was bound for Hell. Gandhi, who lived his life in self-sacrifice, acknowledging and striving to overcome his weaknesses and faults. Gandhi who lived a very spiritual life and was careful to respect all as his brethren. Gandhi who knew full well the words of the scriptures, having read the bible from cover to cover, admiring the teachings of Jesus, but not accepting him as a personal savior. I asked Cliffe if this man, this pious and respected, though imperfect human, who strove to better himself by striving to learn truth, and conduct himself in honesty and love … I asked Cliffe, if Gandhi was in hell.

Cliffe could not answer.

He tried … he flubbed, saying that he really didn’t know what Gandhi was thinking the moment he died. I argued that he repeated aloud the name of his Hindu God, as he bled to death. But Cliffe was unwilling to cast Gandhi in to the lake of fire.

I think, while it is perhaps a “cheap shot” – though I didn’t really consider it that at the time, and I don’t think it is one now, that the question really confronted Cliffe with his own beliefs, and that he may even be thinking a bit now. Maybe not, but later in the evening when he ended his session, he walked over to me and shook hands, I failed to tell him that I do respect him, perhaps feeling vainly proud … but I think I shall pop up at IV large group tomorrow evening and pay my respects.

It is one thing to have good beliefs, and I respect many Christians for having them, but it is another to believe that yours is the one and only way. Christ may have said as much, but what credibility can we give the writing in the Bible? I’d be careful. They are accounts written several years after the fact, often through second and third-hand sources. Did Christ ever actually say that he is the one and only way, or is that an embellishment after the fact? And if he did say as much, what credibility has Christ? The assertion offered does run contrary to common sense. There are many ways to truth.

One gentleman offered a line for us to reflect on. I think it was that Gandhi had read that God is Truth. However, Gandhi had offered the Truth is God. Don’t quote me on that though.

Rajmohan was asked, what part he played in Gandhi’s legacy.

A hard question. He thought and delivered an answer I thought wholly true – that he was in himself a distinct person, with his own beliefs, that may differ from those of his grandfather in parts, and that he tried to live for the good of himself and others. I’m really doing very poor justice to what he may actually have said and the eloquence with which he put it, but the point was that he lived in his way, followed his beliefs, and tried to live right. He said that in that he felt he was honoring what Gandhi had fought and lived for so hard, and that in that way he was fulfilling the legacy as Gandhi might have wished.

I liked that observation. I’m an Atheist. I don’t know or care or have concern for God, but I do recognize that there are certain rules that I should follow, for the benefit of all. I realize a certain quality in life that might require self-sacrifice on my part. I realize that I’m imperfect, and should be honest with these faults, and try to correct them. I realize many things as I try to lead the life of a good and honorable person, as poor a job I might in fact do of it, I do try … I think that in this way I might best do well an honor for whatever privilege it is that has granted me life. There does seem to be something large and awesome with which we need to grapple. Maybe not, at least though I tend to think that we ought to try to do good by each other, and to keep that idea central to our beliefs and practices.

I’m trying to leave a good life. Without Jesus Christ. Without Mahatma Gandhi. I wish to honor these great ancestors which may influence me, in my own special way.

I’m feeling a runny nose coming on. *SNEEZE!*

“Gandhiji,” she began, “you have always stated that you would live to be 125 years old. What gives you that hope?”

The answer was short and startling: “I have lost that hope.”


Because of the terrible happenings in the world. I do not wish to continue to live in darkness and in madness. I cannot continue…” He paused and waited, thoughtfully picking up some strands of cotton and running them on the spinning wheel. “But if my services are needed,” he went on at last, “or rather, I should say, if I am commanded, then I shall live to be 125.”

Ranjee Shahani
Mr. Gandhi

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About Me, Sundry, Technology


Link: https://dannyman.toldme.com/1997/10/10/cisco/

Last night I went to a company presentation for Cisco Systems – the “Microsoft of the Internet” – an analogy which I am uncomfortable with as Cisco products don’t yet suck. In fact, I’m pretty fond of Cisco and am impressed with its energy. It’s a place I might consider to work at, though I’m a bit wary of living in Silicon Valley, if my understanding of California Suburban Sprawl is true. San Francisco, an hour away, might offer a nice home though.

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Excerpts, Free Style, Good Reads


Link: https://dannyman.toldme.com/1997/10/21/fisting/

I persisted, though. I told him how we had peeked through the French doors into the famous restaurant. I asked him what was on the other side of that wall now.

His reply, which he himself considered a bland statement of fact, fell so harshly on my ears that he might as well have slapped me hard in the face. He said this:

“Fist-fucking films.”

It woke me up a little, that I should be so surprised and appalled. He was sorry, as he would tell me later, to have brought a sweet little old man such ghastly news about what was going on right next door. He might have been my father, and I his little child. He even said to me, “Never mind.”

“Tell me,” I said.

So he explained slowly and patiently, and most reluctantly, that there was a motion-picture theater where the restaurant used to be. It specialized in films of male homosexual acts of love, and that their climaxes commonly consisted of one actor’s thrusting his fist up the fundament of another actor.

I was speechless. Never had I dreamed that the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America and the enchanting technology of a motion-picture camera would be combined to form such an atrocity.

“Sorry,” he said.

“I doubt very much if you’re to blame,” I said. “Good night.” I went in search of my room.

Kurt Vonnegut

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About Me, Politics, Religion

No one Expects the Christian revolution!

Link: https://dannyman.toldme.com/1997/10/23/fanatics/

I just back from Quad and classes. There was yet another preacher out today. It was nice and warm this afternoon. Actually, it is still nice and warm this afternoon, as far as I know. The sun came out see, and that’s so valuable in October.

Anyways, this guy was wearing yellow signs on him, saying who all was going to hell. I had a hard time finding anything I fundamentally disagreed with him about, which was kind of creepy, though I didn’t stay long. He was saying the professors and all manner of people were a path to hell and the like, as they were more concerned with their own ends. Yeah, lotta people are missing the point, but I don’t see it as anything particularly terrible, even if it is disheartening at times.

What scares me now though, in retrospect, is the increasing number of these fanatics out there. This year especially, the upswing on our campus, at least, has been tremendous. Did I mention the other day the God Fleet of these guys, actually only a few adults and several younger kids who were carrying huge signs spread out on white sheets damning people to hell. They managed to chase a group of schoolchildren off the Quad by calling their teachers witches and encouraging them to not follow “the system”.

The sense of danger is prolly more from reading The Handmaid’s Tale than anything else, but you ever wonder that these people will continue to attract followers – I mean some of what they say is true, is of concern – namely that people aren’t really keeping their moral priorities straight and all, and that it is a strong negative tendency … I completely disagree with their nutty rhetoric that they see as the solution – basically a return to the crappy days when men were men and women were suitably cowed, and we were all fanatical followers of God and believed in Jesus … but they seem increasingly to disrespect our government, the system, and seem to be advocating that something stronger must be done.

I think any time we see people flirting with the cause of revolution, we need to keep an eye on them … and these people do seem to be getting around …

And no, they’re not popular, but how many Christians in this country? Catholics probably can’t be counted as possible comrades for these zealots, but there are plenty of fundamentalists, anti-abortionists, born-again weirdos, and the great mass of vanilla-flavored Christians that if they ever were nutty enough to put their government where their passions were that things could potentially get really really ugly and bad.

But I do have a great faith in the strength of our government, and it’s ability to adapt and respond to threats, ultimately getting a little better each time in the interests of all.

But then I’m also one of those God-forsaken Atheist Liberals.

And I publish my thoughts openly. the second that Christian Nazi we had on the Quad a few weeks back gets the chance to run the government and conduct public executions of Liberals, I’ll be on the first lists of folks who just gotta go …

If something like that ever did come to pass, it would mark an interesting turn in world history.

This time, it would be America in flames, and perhaps an economically depressed Europe trying to put it straight. Asia too. I wonder how Japan and China would react to a bloody revolution in the USA.

Definitely being overly speculative here, but it never hurts to be aware of possible contingencies.

I’m glad to see my imagination kicking in though. It’s been missed a lot since grammar school and high school

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FreeBSD, Sundry, Technical


Link: https://dannyman.toldme.com/1997/12/17/live/

Wed Dec 17 23:43:45 CST 1997

[DANNYCAM!] Bought a QuickCam the other day from a place called PC Mall. It wasn’t easy, but I got it hooked up and running under FreeBSD. Now, the ultimate in geekness, it’s live on the web!

The first reaction I get from folks is “What about if you want privacy?” to which I reply “I live in a Quad – there is no privacy!”

It’s really not that bad at all, especially since it doesn’t handle low light well. If I’m really cool I’ll get to hack up some of the source over break and see if I can’t convince it to do some auto-correction of contrast and brightness and such.

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