Tue Dec 9 22:57:19 CST 1997
There's a girl in the lab right now, that I've seen around lately, that reminds me of a shorter, younger version of Mayuko, a TA for Japanese pursuing a PhD in Linguistics whom I had a crush on two years ago.
Not that I'm particularly looking at girls or anything. More than anything else I'm slacking off.
I've so far been in a state of confusion as to what I should do about Kat. Scream 2 is coming out this Saturday, and I suggested that since we saw Scream together last year that me and Linda and Dave should repeat the experience again. Linda suggest I invite Kat. I suggested that that might be akward, two couples, one seeing each other and the other not, but formerly have been, the week before. Well, I figured I'd send Kat an email anyway explaining the situation and asking what she thought. I suggested maybe we could get a group going you know?
Other than that I've been busy with papers and thus not having so much spare time to deal with the question.
And so I figure to slack off tonight, after sending my email then heading to walk downstairs to work on the journal, I notice this tumor in the mailbox. For me. A Christmas card with a little stocking with candy in it. From Kat, saying nice things.
I'm happy to say I was touched.
They sat me in a barber's chair,
I turned around I had no hair!Sat me in a barber's chair,
I turned around I had no hair!Mama mama, can't you see,
What this Army's done to me?Army Cadence
No, I'm not bald, just under some stress. Papers see? Portfolios due this week, then CS327 project for a Tuesday presentation. And a slight emotional mess.
it's not even 2300h and my roommates, to a man, have gone to bed.
Well, it's 2307h now, but, they were in bed before 2300h. :)
Speaking of lost Katarinas, ophelia Z has placed her journal, and as far as I can tell, what she had found as being some sort of a splendid relationship with her boy Darek, on hiatus. That means that nobody really knows what's up there, but as far as I can tell, both these institutions are no more.
Wonderfully interesting. The email I got from her today seemed to complete a sort of circle external to my own life. oZ? She had found something splendid, but isn't satisfied about that ... Kat? Well, such promise, such a wonderful thing to maybe could have been, but she's not inclined to go for it either at this point. While disappinted that both oZ's journal and my romance are closed, I don't really feel bad about either. People need to move on, and while the world is fraught with wonderful possibilities, I realize that not all of them will come to fruition, and really doubt that they should even if they can. I wonder that others might regard this mindset as peculiarly cynical, apathatic, defeatist, or just otherwise depressing, but I'm not sure.
Renunciation.
I think in part, our larger culture is coming to terms, perhaps as part of a cycle, that there are more important things than winning, achieving and the like. America is a very goal-oriented and aggressive culture, with a proud economic history where an individual must go out and succeed on their own circumstances. I think though, that things are coming to a head, people are slowly realizing this on levels, and are looking increasingly to other concerns - family concerns, health concerns, personal concerns, religious and philosophical concerns.
But then, I haven't the sort of evidence to support this suggestion, and as it's more of a personal feeling on my part, it could simply be a reflection of changes going on in my own life.
And despite the fact that I like to think I know what's happening to me, and how I'm changing, and why, I really don't.
8 December
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