Sat Nov 22 21:12:28 CST 1997
Something inside
Is telling me that I've got your secret
Are you still listening?
Fear is the lock
And laughter the key to your heart
And I love youI am yours
You are mine
You are what you are ...Crosby, Stills, Nash, and possibly Young
Suite: Judy Blue Eyes
Katarina is behind me, at another row of computers, sending an email to her ex. I had the privledge of consulting her tonight on her emotional state, and I think I was able to draw on my past to help her in her current turmoil, to a pretty successful conclusion. It made me feel good.
Then I ran into Rachel and Moshen. Rachel had gone to see Ed this weekend, and apparently it went well. Things were also going well with her and Moshen, so I took off and left them a little privacy. Privacy that seemed needed.
I was able to appreciate in Kat a quality similar to myself, in that we both seem the quiet, deliberate type, who will consider and work through our emotional state before acting upon them. She's kinda inscrutable at times, and I have been told by others that I am "hard to read." I think I've become more open in my own life, of late, what with this sharing in my journal and all, but I'm still a pretty controlled person when it comes to expressing any sort of strong emotion at all.
It used to be that I didn't want to give myself away. The more anyone knows you, the more power they have. Now, the same result is rooted I think in a different philosophy, that I want to be as open as possible, the philosophy being that one has no grounds to distrust you for your honesty - brutal, copius honesty. In being honest though, I tend towards being conservative when it comes to expressing something emotional that may not correcly imply my true state ... I don't want to mislead or delude anyone. At least when I'm being sincere.
Alotta the time I'm full of shit. That's just yin and yang working itself out. For being sincere I also gotta be a joker you know?
I worry for Ed ... I'd worry for Rachel but she seems at least happy enough. I can see her smile, I can't see Ed smile. I'm directly involved, at least to a greater degree with Katarina. It is not that I am concerned for her so much as that I guess I feel as if her emotional state is in fact a vested interest.
Not that I'm uninterested in Ed or Rachel being happy, but then, I've never kissed either of them either. :)
I have a paper due on Tuesday, the rewrite of my paper for English 381 due Tuesday, and I need to revise the paper for Hawisher's class, as well as write the second paper for 381, after having done research, which I actually have, uncharacteristically, been doing.
It's enough to make one goofy.
And it's a Saturday night. I don't particularly feel like doing work, but I have to. Got my backpack right here ...
The second English paper I'll be working on over break.
The first 381 paper, as well as the paper for Hawisher's 302, I'll likely be writing in HTML. The first paper for 381, especially as it's about the diary-l mailing list, and I can cross-reference it to a mhonarc-generated website ... well. It just makes sense, only Prendergast doesn't want me to hand in a URL, so I'll have to print it out all nice and purty.
I didn't get much food at dinner, I want a snack.
18 November
<<
1997
>>
1 December
H O M E