It's not easy to drop off a surprise present for someone you barely know, when you're trying to make it anonymous and all, and while you're dropping this thing off, they walk by.
Random Act of Kindness for the Day was gonna be a dousey. I spotted someone, of course a pretty girl, but then I'm only a hopeless romantic, that could use a good pick-me-up after working too hard and whatnot. So, after driving Goth Dan out into a cornfield to pick up some dumb terminal keyboards, then running a little expedition to Meijer on the way back, to which Damien needed to be introduced, I took a walk up to Campus Florist and worked with a very friendly lady there to settle on a nice bouquet which I then walked back to Allen and dropped off for one of my fellow residents. I wrote something nice on the little card along the lines of enjoying things in life, not signing it as it was meant to be an anonymous kind act thing, and I go to drop it off at the main desk and out comes that girl, and I experience that bout of self-consciousness that is so rare for me nowadays that I don't know how to handle it.
See, I'm trying not to be so interested in girls. This was meant to be a random act of platonic kindness, but I see her coming and I very well might have blushed and nearly confused the lady working the desk as I tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible, which, if the person I was trying to avoid was paying any attention at all, would have realized my 'inconspicuous' behavior to be extremely conspicuous as such behavior is unusual for me.
So really, it was just a lot of fun. I don't want my 'victim' to know it was me, in part because then she might get weirded out that I'm some stalker freak-boy and she'll be even more reluctant to talk to me, as she seems to be in a lot of denial over the whole 'well, actually I am a freak' thing.
Whatever.
So Davee was observing ... Yom Kippur is it? He had to skip lunch ... errr, well see he went to dinner, which is like 1700h. But anyway like he was going to do something a bit later so he had to break fast before sunset. He seemed to me to make too big a deal out of skipping lunch ... not like he was bragging or anything, just that it was kinda difficult for him. This is nothing I can fault him for, but then I figured I'd fast for the weekend, trying two days, but this time without bread, in part because I've been considering some kind of fast as a weird perverted way to "atone for the sins of the Board of Trustees" ... you know, something Gandhi might do, that I don't really understand.
I failed. Er, at least, I've taken a recess. I was good all day, but got hungrier, and it kept distracting me. It was like any hunger - intellectual, sexual, spiritual or whatever you know? When that stuff goes unsatisfied, you start feeling upset and out-of-balance. I figured, you know, keep tough, persevere, I'm not really hurting anything by being unbalanced two fucking days, but in the end, I succumbed, as I often do, to my own rationality.
The excuse today was, well, big paper coming up for English 381, I better get working on it. All day I felt extremely uneager to do computer work, or much of anything at all, though I did manage to get off to do that flower thing and whatnot. In the end though, I figured Fritos & Raisins, roundabout 2300h or so, washed down with milk, and I'll feel more in balance and ready tomorrow to really tackle the research for that paper.
The research being, a review of material on diary-l.
I've already trimmed two weeks worth of messages - numbering 237 at a whopping 713k - EEK - into a separate folder. I'm going to analyse them.
Yippee.
But now I'm tired. I don't know how late I'll remain up. Maybe I'll read some more. I gotsa tell you 'bout my didjeridoo.(sp?)
9 October
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